How to be a victim

This is your guide to being a victim. So many people in the world are genuine victims (tsumani, earthquake, human slavery/trafficking, innocent bystanders of war or political upheaval). But fortunately, there’s a way you can assume the persona of a victim by following a few simple guidelines. In your case, you get to choose to live like this so consider carefully. Understand that living like a voluntary victim takes incredible commitment. You can’t compromise because the proverbial house of cards will fall if you slip up even once.

1) Do nothing. It’s impossible to be disappointed or trapped by the decisions you don’t make and the responsibility you successfully avoid. Always make sure that no productivity happens on your own volition, that way everything in your life happens TO you instead of BECAUSE of you. It’s important that if you’re a victim that nothing can ever be traced back to your intentions or initiative. Remember: being a victim absolves you of responsibility…in other words: it’s never your fault.

2) Always make sure there’s something you “intend” to do. Victims can’t be vegetables, you’re still a person. You have to live your life. So if you’re going to be a victim, always have a plan but here’s the catch: never use a deadline. As long as you have a “plan” you can’t be blamed for being lazy. The goal is to always preserve your own significance but always keep it in the future.

3) Always have an excuse explanation. This is probably the easiest habit to form if you’re going to be a successful victim. Always have someone or some circumstance to blame for your inactivity. One way to be super successful about this is to formulate unorthodox plans. Always chart your own course that assumes you can shortcut the system and make sure that the success of your “plan” relies on exceptions to be made on your behalf.

4) Never accept or admit that you’re a “victim.” This is crucial because as soon as you “own” this issue, the indictment might require you to lose your victim status. Make sure that you can always justify your victimized excuses explanations in a noble, admirable, intentional manner. If you’re going to focus your efforts anywhere: learn how to communicate. It’s all about convincing yourself and those around you that you’re not actually a victim.

5) Surround yourself with other victims. It’s easy, as long as no one else takes responsibility, they’ll never confront you on not taking responsibility. You can live happily absolved of any burden or pressure because everyone will be too obsessed with themselves to care about or notice you.

6) Admit just enough self-awareness. If you do have people in your life who are intrusive enough to interfere with your personal development, you can stave them off by showing them that you agree that personal growth is important. You don’t have to be actively working towards anything, you just have to admit you understand. That “self awareness” should keep people from examining your life and intentions too much so you can stay comfortably stagnant.

7) Keep things abstract and super spiritual. Always make it God’s fault. If you won’t choose don’t have anything you want to do or “can’t decide find” something to do with your time (beyond a weekend, vacation or sabbatical), you can always stand on a conviction that God said it’s okay that you’re doing nothing and you should keep doing it. It’s the ultimate trump card and can keep you passive and isolated for a really, really long time.

Remember that victimization is always your choice. If you’re ever tempted to take responsibility or initiative, remember that by doing so, you’re likely to make a significant (or…well…any) impact on the world around you. It will cost you time, independence, flexibility, and the option to live a life that that has your entertainment and comfort at it’s center.

Choose wisely… (unless you have a “good” excuse reason to postpone or avoid it entirely).

The 4 Houses of Hogwarts

Get the jabs in now, but I’ll admit it: I’m a Harry Potter fan.  I’ve heralded (rightly or wrongly so…it’s my perception so it’s my reality…deal with it) that Harry Potter is the greatest literary achievement of our generation (in speaking of it’s widespread influence in vernacular, identification and in my opinion: the right story for the times).

All this being said, this isn’t the point of this post.

I haven’t found many to understand my take on this facet of the story, but I think it illustrates something I’ve been pondering for a while now.

I’ve been thinking about admirable virtues.  You know, the character qualities individuals can possess and exhibit that other people are impressed by, that make them praiseworthy.

I asked Michael Hindes once what the most important character quality to have was, in his opinion.  Without hesitation he answered “loyalty.”  Hmm…that was a good choice.

In Harry Potter, the four houses of Hogwarts are defined by some admirable virtue.  Almost every book references them.  The children in the story are sorted by which characteristic they have the most potential to develop, what will drive and motivate them.  They have a magical way of determining their placement: a sorting hat.  The hat is able to see down to their deepest makeup and the hat decides where they are best suited…

…with the exception of Harry Potter…in fact, it’s critical to the storyline that the sorting hat actually has difficulty in placing Harry.  We learn that at the critical moment of truth, the hat actually changes its mind (just go with it) because Harry chooses who he would rather be.  It’s an interesting commentary on victimization and empowerment.  Can you be a person of character?  Can you choose who you’ll be and how you’ll behave?

It’s led me to a question about the virtues I value…and the person I want to be.








Virtue: HARD WORKING                     Virtue: COURAGE

Virtue: WISDOM                               Virtue: AMBITION

I like these.  In fact, in some sense, I prize all of these and want these to be true of my life.

I’m not sure I have a conclusion here but I do have a recommendation.  It’s my personal challenge to determine my top three most admirable virtues.  I want you to do the same.  Leave a comment and list your top three.  I’m curious to see what you say and see the things you value.

My thought is this: it may not be important what you value, but that you value something.

As an addendum, it may not be as important what you value as long as you’ve decided what’s important.

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